3. Focus on your child. Instead of focusing on the dynamics between you and your ex or how s/he “always gets his/her way” Think about how you can make the holidays as fun and fulfilling as possible for your child. Most children want and need a relationship with both parents and both sides of extended family. Think about ways you can support that relationship while persevering and furthering your own.

Most commonly known for the celebration of Halloween, the discovery of America and breast cancer awareness, October is also home to a few lesser-known awareness initiatives, such as World Space Week and Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

So, in respect to all of the causes of this breezy, fall month, we enlighten our readers with five facts they may not have known about Domestic Vioence Awareness Month. The following information comes from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Verizon Wireless…

1. The Genesis - “Domestic Violence Awareness Month evolved from the first Day of Unity observed in October, 1981 by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence,” the NCADV’s website printed. “The intent was to connect battered women’s advocates across the nation who were working to end violence against women and their children. The Day of Unity soon became a special week when a range of activities were conducted at the local, state, and national levels.”

2. Further Developments – “In October 1987, the first Domestic Violence Awareness Month was observed,” said the NCADV. “That same year the first national toll-free hotline was begun. In 1989 the first Domestic Violence Awareness Month Commemorative Legislation was passed by the U.S. Congress. Such legislation has passed every year since with NCADV providing key leadership in this effort.”

3. In the ’90s… – “In October 1994 NCADV, in conjunction with Ms. Magazine, created the ‘Remember My Name’ project, a national registry to increase public awareness of domestic violence deaths,” the NCADV stated. “Since then, NCADV has been collecting information on women who have been killed by an intimate partner and produces a poster each October for Domestic Violence Awareness Month, listing the names of those documented in that year.”

4. How we can help locally – “One of the easiest ways for readers to support the cause is to donate no-longer-used devices to Verizon Wireless’ HopeLine program,” said Rebecca Porterfield on behalf of Verizon Wireless. “HopeLine recycles used cell phones, batteries and accessories and uses the proceeds to donate phones, airtime and funding to domestic violence agencies. Since its inception in 2001, more than 8 million phones have been donated and more than 10 million dollars have been generated for domestic violence agencies nationwide.”

5. Furthermore… – “Residents can simply drop off no-longer-used devices at your local shelter, or download the prepaid shipping label and just drop it in the mail,” Porterfield said. “Additional details on Verizon Wireless’ HopeLine program can be found here. Please just let us know if you have any questions, and thanks for sharing how readers can help support domestic violence awareness efforts in our communities!”

Glendale Arizona is using a unique and new method to “treat” domestic violence in an attempt to decrease recidivism.

Last year, more than one person was convicted of domestic violence in Glendale each day.

And the national rate at which abusers lash out again is startling. About one in three will commit another offense in the short run, according to the National Institute of Justice.

The federal research agency notes that those who complete a treatment program are less likely to be a repeat offender.

To that end, Glendale implemented a new program to curb repeated domestic-violence offenses.

Arizona law requires convicted batterers to go through counseling and pay the cost of a program.

The program in Glendale tries to help offenders recognize the impact of their actions on others and to make right choices. More traditional treatments simply tell batterers what they should do.

Glendale City Court this year became the first jurisdiction in the state to use this type of therapy on domestic-violence offenders. Correctional Healthcare Companies, which is contracted by the court to provide the program, has since rolled it out in Scottsdale and Mesa, as well.

Glendale’s Presiding Judge Elizabeth Finn is well-known for her work in domestic violence. She’s spent more than 30 years on the bench trying to make courts better work for victims. She lobbied the Legislature for changes in laws and helped create the first bench book for judges covering protective orders.

“I support any program enhancement that will hold abusers accountable and will result in keeping victims safe,” she said of the city’s new treatment.

The program is called moral reconation therapy. It was developed more than 25 years ago but has typically been used to treat substance abusers and shoplifters, a city spokeswoman said.

Correctional Healthcare was influenced to go with the program after a two-year, in-house study conducted in Tennessee.

For 18 months, Joseph Kerinuk, a former probation officer, monitored 1,000 people convicted of domestic violence in Davidson County who received moral reconation therapy.

“I had a 9.85 percent recidivism rate, meaning the rate is very low when normally it’s around 30 to 32 percent nationwide,” said Kerinuk, who uses the program for his company in Tennessee.

He did not track whether the abusers reoffended in another county or if a victim failed to report the incident.

He plans to do a five-year study on the therapy program.

Lisa Martin, a behavior health therapist who oversees the Glendale program, said the treatment encourages clients to take a closer look at themselves.

“What they are doing is taking ownership of how they got there and understanding why they got there,” said Martin, who meets weekly with 15 clients separated by gender.

The therapy program is more interactive compared with the previous program, Martin said.

Instead of her teaching the batterers, which sometimes the participants tune out because “they’ve heard it before,” now they do the work and teach themselves while she acts as the moderator, Martin said.

“It makes them think about, ‘If this is going to happen to me, what options do I have?’ ” Martin said.

She described one woman who constantly fought with her husband. She has learned to water the grass when she gets frustrated.

By the time the grass is watered, the woman feels better and can focus on what is happening, she said.

The idea is for the batterers to come up with their own solutions to help them defuse a potentially violent confrontation.

A Glendale man completing the 26-week program this month said he is making progress. “What I want to get out of this is to make better choices going forward,” he said.

The 51-year-old college graduate said that fueled by alcohol, things got out of hand with his soon-to-be ex-wife during last year’s holiday season, which led to his domestic-violence arrest.

He said he’s learned in class what acceptable behavior is and how to handle relationships.

“Typically teenagers do things and lash out, and I think in my rearing I didn’t really learn any boundaries,” he said. “So even though I say I am a decent person, I didn’t understand that there are things you just don’t do.”

“Am I going to complete the class and never make a mistake again?” he said. “I have to think about those boundaries and every situation I will have to work at it. It’s the beginning of a journey, not the end.”

It’s too early to gauge the program’s success in reducing repeat offenses. But Smith points to wins along the way.

For example, she is not hearing participants blame others for their actions.

“Blaming has decreased immensely because people are looking at themselves,” Smith said. “I’ve seen major things happen to them, the ah-ha light-bulb moments.”

Murray Straus, a researcher at the University of New Hampshire, said the major cause of domestic abuse is “the inability to conduct interpersonal relationships and negotiate the inevitable differences that occur in a relationship.”

His prescription for treatment is to teach all children how to relate in a humane fashion.

Straus had not heard of moral reconation therapy but said it sounded promising, “as long as they also teach what to do to carry out those moral beliefs.”

He went on to explain. “So, if I believe that I should treat a partner fairly, what is fairly?” he said. “Well, suppose he or she is nagging and insistent and a pain in the neck, which is true of lots of partners, then how do I correct that? What do I do? Do I slap him? Kick him? Punch her?”

Along with moral principles, models of behavior must be taught, he said.

Elizabeth Ditlevson, deputy director of Arizona Coalition Against Domestic Violence, said accountability in various forms is important and people have the capacity to change their behavior.

“I think the program can work,” she said. “But also just because an offender goes through treatment doesn’t mean they stop being abusive. There’s a chance they may stop but there’s no magic pill. It’s a choice, a learned behavior.”